Ugly Crying, with Dignity

by Ally Hunter

Thus begins this month’s Board of Trustees offering:

What a minefield life is.

One day you’re taking a stroll in the sun,

the next your arms and legs are all over the hedge.

There’s no dignity in it.

—Christopher Fry, from A Yard of Sun

We lost our wise and beloved UCE board member Melanie Kitchner to cancer on November 28. Days ago, and rather suddenly. A lost voice, a precious legacy.

You’ll find us working together to attach our limbs, hearts and inspiration to her memory, and to honor the commitment she modeled in so many spheres of our congregational life.

And now, Holidays! Always great timing. One day you’re taking a stroll in the snow, twinkling lights in the hedges, giddy anticipation. Or at least a day or two off from work. And then paralyzing emptiness— longing for what was, or what might be in a broken world. An epic mash-up. With tinsel.

It’s a sacred time of reflection and repair. Ugly crying or silent grief. Yet there’s dignity in being present in the world’s sorrow, and our own. Then just as forcefully the noise of a gathering congregation in unapologetically cumbersome winter gear rumbles through our doors. Our reclaimed arms circle for a healing hug, or link to face injustice. And, oh, the music!

In the coming days you’ll hear about upcoming events for creative and happy connection. There’s a lot of winter left, and a lot of care needed for ourselves and our neighbors. A new year approaches, minefields and all.

I stick up for the holidays—through crunchy headaches or sadness. So what if I play the Charlie Brown Christmas album A LOT, and dance like Frieda (near Pigpen and his upright bass). Hot!

You can ugly cry in joy and gratitude as well. I’ve got photos.

May you have peace and as much joy as you can muster. In addition to the Ministers and Pastoral Care Team, the Board of Trustees is within reach for any support you need.

Dear Melanie, good journey to you. Love lights the way.

Hello everyone! November is a time of change as fall becomes winter and we trade our summer shorts in for cozy slippers, sweaters, and mugs of hot chocolate.

Last year the Board of Trustees hosted four amazing listening sessions we titled, “Big Questions” to discuss the future of our congregation. Many of you joined those conversations. Thank you so much for your wisdom and perspectives. The Board loved hearing the hopes and dreams that people have for our congregation. One key theme that came up in every conversation we hosted: the desire to change our name.

People felt it was time to change our name for two main reasons. The first was wanting to recognize that we are a member congregation of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA). As the UCE history buffs know, we moved into our current building in 1958 as the Unitarian Church of Evanston. Then in 1961, the merger with the Unitarian Universalist Association took place. This means that for 67 years our name has neglected to accurately reflect the Universalist part of our heritage.

The second point many people made is that we are a congregation committed to pluralism. Does our current name reflect the fact that we are a religious institution open to many theologies, beliefs, and traditions? Does the word “church” denote a Christian faith community specifically in people’s minds? Does the word “church” accurately describe our pluralist faith community? Many in the Big Questions conversations argued that our name does not.

Conversations about UCE changing our name has occurred in the past, but the UCE Board of Trustees feels that now is the right time. Many new people are seeking a spiritual community during these difficult times in our nation. We want to make sure our name accurately reflects who we are.

In 2026, the UCE BOT would like to continue this conversation on changing our name. The Board will:

1. Host 4 listening sessions to hear what the congregation thinks about a possible name change. Dates and timing coming soon.

2. Host a virtual poll a week after the listening sessions to gauge people’s feelings.

3. Bring a new name for a vote during the May 2026 annual meeting.

The name change the Board of Trustees is proposing is the “Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Evanston” to highlight our UU background and continue to showcase that we are, in fact, a religious community. Even though we are proposing “congregation” instead of the word “church”, it’s important to remember that it’s OK to say the word church. I will continue to tell my family and friends, “I can’t go to brunch on Sunday, I’ve got church choir.” We do not need to remove the word church from our vocabulary. The goal in this name change is to more accurately introduce ourselves to the world. So that even now as people are online searching for a spiritual community, our name accurately captures who we are and what we stand for. The hope is that people who do not know us, will be intrigued enough to walk through the doors and meet all of you loving people within this congregation.

In love, Kera Beskin

The UCE Board of Trustees held our annual Board Retreat on August 22 and 23. We celebrated our new Board President, Hoa Voscott. Other Board members for the 2025-26 Congregation year include Vice President Kera Beskin, President Emerita Elaine Siegel, Peggy Boccard, Ally Hunter, Sally Parsons, Forrest Marie Peters Linsell, Melanie Kitchner, and Michael Drennan. Rev. Eileen Wiviott, Rev. Susan Frances, and Dr. Emma Farrell joined us. It was a thoughtful and convivial event, planning the coming year.

Rev. Roger Bertschausen, presently the Developmental Lead Minister at Unity Temple in Oak Park, led us through an analysis of our governance. Last year’s Board Retreat focused on the Policy Governance model; this year, we refined its application to UCE. Rev. Roger stressed that Policy Governance aligns responsibility, authority and accountability, and differs by congregation. Lack of clarity and alignment can cause conflict. Our structure should be highly adaptable and fluid.

We considered and clarified our lines of responsibility, modifying our organization chart accordingly. We reviewed the roles of the Board, in relation to the leadership, staff, and Congregation.

We also scrutinized the financial structure supporting our work. We reviewed the checks and balances in our financial procedures, the expertise and diligence of our officers and personnel, and the success of our pledging and fund-raising activities. We noted the successful solar panels project, funded by the generous bequest of Barbara Young, and shepherded by Adam Gough. Our financial security enables UCE to maintain a well-functioning basis for spiritual development and social action.

An outgrowth of last year’s Retreat has been our “Big Questions” project, focused on the issues raised by our Congregation during last year’s Board Retreat: (1) How can we foster connections that go beyond our comfort zones at UCE and in the larger community? (2): How do you imagine we need to grow individually and as a congregation to create a more accessible, open environment?

The Retreat featured an overview of the many insights and suggestions of the members of our Congregation who participated in this spring’s discussion groups. Select suggestions will be pursued in the coming year.

For the past half decade, UCE’s Anti-Oppression Task Force (“AOTF”) has been instrumental in supporting our efforts to “widen the circle” of our Congregation, to develop cultural competency and greater inclusion. The AOTF will soon be sunsetting. The REAL Team (“Racial Equity Action and Inclusion”) will be continuing its work, in collaboration with the Social Justice Council.

As part of that process, in the course of our new year together, our Congregation will seek and identify a new name for what we have known as the Unitarian Church of Evanston. The ultimate Big Answer to our Big Questions!

Greetings Beloved Community –

As I am writing to you as the new President of the UCE Board of Directors, I feel so humbled, honored and excited.  As I reflect on the path that got me here to you, I am amused and grateful for the Big Milestones in my life these past 50 years.

In 1975, when I was a six-year-old, I emigrated with my parents from South Vietnam to the United States just after the fall of Saigon.  Though I had just left most of my family and a brutal war, I can also remember being mesmerized when I saw fireflies for the first time in a refugee camp in Pennsylvania.

In 1985, I fell in love for the first time with a boy classmate.  It was joyous to fall in love, and scary against the background of the evening news about AIDS and Rock Hudson. Even so, and although hidden from others, our love slowly evolved and it was life affirming.

In 1995, in the San Francisco Bay Area, I adopted a beautiful newborn baby boy, Julian, with my previous partner.  At that time, Gay people could not participate in open adoption, but we found a wonderful birth mother who chose us to raise Julian, and a progressive judge who granted to us the privilege of being parents.

In 2005, I put a ring on Ned’s finger, in a field under the 4th of July fireworks. Years later we would take the next steps with domestic partnership, then civil union, then a commitment ceremony and finally, when it became legal, a federally recognized marriage.

In 2015, I moved to Evanston, the place of Ned’s birth, with him and Julian. We eventually found the beloved community at UCE, which has become so important to us. I feel so much gratitude to be on life’s journey with all of you.

In 2025, I reflect on these decades past and know that we are living in difficult times. But, being surrounded by the loving and nourishing UCE community and coming together to share time, treasures and talents with each other and with the bigger world in which we live, brings me comfort, joy and peace.

I wish you every summer blessing. And I hope that each of you takes time to watch the fireflies and be mesmerized.

With gratitude and love,

Hoa Voscott

After months of introspection and discussion, our UCE Board of Trustees has entered the climactic phase of our “Big Questions” project, a year-long contemplation of the path before us. We are now reaching out to our Congregation on how to share this journey together, “Dreaming up the future of Our Community”.

After long discussions amongst ourselves to focus our inquiry, we have identified two “big questions” to consider together, in a journey of conversations with the Congregation:

· How can we foster connections that go beyond our comfort zones at UCE and in the larger community?

· What changes do we need to make so that UCE is more accessible in a variety of ways for all?

The discussions are a quest for possibility, through visioning, brainstorming, sharing hopes and dreams. Here are some of the ideas that have emerged in recent sessions of “Big Questions: Dreaming Up the Future of Our Community”:

How can we be more accessible? We are continually evaluating how we make our facilities accessible to all. This is an ongoing process. Some issues, such as meeting transportation needs, present ongoing challenges.

Creating a welcoming place for everyone also calls for fostering connections outside our comfort zone, both at UCE and beyond. Accessibility can also be about growth and openness. One practical strategy would be to arrange more seating and tables after worship service for kinship time, to invite and encourage people to stay and connect.

Another strategy would be to help members engage in deep reflection about their values, spiritual journey, history and experiences. How does that history affect our ability to be radically welcoming on an interpersonal level? By examining ourselves, can we increase our comfort when engaging with others? Does such reflection enable us to be more skilled at opening up and sharing with others?

As a congregation, we are engaging more effectively in radical welcoming, especially with new members. Can we expand that intentionality to all members? All visitors? We are still recovering from the isolation of the pandemic; our capacity for engagement is still a challenge to enhance.

Let us consider our language – verbal and body, formal and informal – in the context of welcoming and conversing.

A UCE name change received considerable support, as a means of enhancing our welcoming community. It was noted that holding ourselves out as a ‘church” versus a “congregation” (or something else) links us to Christian history, and may be discomfiting to some folks who come from different faith traditions or had difficult experiences with a “church” in the past. Despite our UU history as an outgrowth of Christian theology and practice, we have transformed over the years to reflect many traditions (e.g, Judaism, Buddhism, atheism). A discussion about a name change for UCE might be a way to engage the Congregation in larger conversations about who we are, what we value, and how/what we do to be more welcoming.

A closer focus on micro-aggressions was suggested. Frequent discussions of such experiences, explaining the offensive significance of language, and the interpersonal dynamics of micro-aggressions, would help us all confront our implicit biases, recognize our blind spots, and develop more inclusive communication patterns. Personal experiences, where appropriate, as part of the worship service, could be meaningful. Study and continued training, such as the guidance provided by Dr. Gilo Kwesi Logan during last year’s rummage sale, would be particularly valuable.

This work goes beyond mere etiquette. At its best, it is a vital form of spiritual practice, that can greatly benefit our Congregation.

COMING SOON: our annual meeting, budget review, and officer elections. UUA General Assembly. Personnel evaluations. And the ongoing work of evaluating and implementing the many ideas flowing from our “Big Questions” undertaking. Join us!

UPDATES FROM THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES

Written by Kera Beskin

Friends, the world feels foreboding. I work as a policy manager at a CountyCare, a Medicaid health plan. Medicaid is the government health insurance program for low income families, pregnant people, and people with disabilities. 20% of Illinois residents are on Medicaid. It is the largest funder of nursing homes and substance abuse treatment. Medicaid often provides life saving care. Professionally, I’m tasked with tracking what changes to Medicaid are coming and I am deeply worried about the future of this government program.

Since my dad was a farmer with variable annual income, my family was on Medicaid off and on throughout my life. My summers in rural Minnesota were filled with home grown sweet corn, pumpkins, and rhubarb. My mother was a proud Lutheran woman who had the Serenity Prayer tacked up in our kitchen. Recently, I have been reciting that prayer to myself and transporting myself back to the safe, warm, worry-free memories of childhood.

The Serenity Prayer forces me to focus on what I can control. I cannot control what the Trump administration will do with the Medicaid program. But I can call my representatives. I can call a friend and tell them I love them. I can donate to causes I care about. I can continue to work for the world I want to see. I can take time to rest. I can volunteer my time as a board member at the Unitarian Church of Evanston.

What can you do today to fill your spirit? What can you do to take care of yourself to continue the fight? What do you want to see for the Unitarian Church of Evanston? In these challenging times, we can come together. I encourage you to join the board of trustees at the Big Questions discussions in March or April as we focus on topics of accessibility and connection. Register on Realm.

March 22nd – on Zoom  10-11:15 am

March 30th – in person at UCE after worship 12-1:15pm

April 11th – in person at UCE 6:30-7:45pm

April 22nd – on Zoom 7-8:15pm

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

—Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971