Building Capacity

I recently joined a Zoom comprised of religious educators from around the US and Canada, as well as some staff from the UUA, centered on the general topic of “what are you doing in your congregation that is multigenerational, and what are your plans for the summer in your program?” My first reaction was, “Summer? Are you kidding? I’m trying to make it to March!” And I found that I wasn’t alone. Many religious educators (and I dare to say other congregational staff) are still feeling drained and discouraged for a variety of reasons. Many have left the profession. Let me assure you that while I have days when I feel this, overall I still have plenty of passion for this work and the UCE community!

Not to sound like a broken record, but we are living in a different world than we were three years ago. While on the surface things appear to be “back to normal”, in reality they are still in transition. I say this from the perspective of our faith formation programs, and this is true for adult programs as well as those for our young people. I venture to add that this is even true beyond faith formation. Attendance has been up and down for most programs in all age groups. We are more discerning of how we spend our time and who we spend it with, and so we are reluctant to share that time and energy as much as we used to do so.

I believe the struggle in this transition is in finding a “new norm”. That is, resisting the urge to do things the way we used to do them, because that is seemingly the easiest thing to do, and ideally brings us back to how things used to be. While we know logically that this isn’t true, our hearts want to recall and recreate those feelings of belonging and community.

In the Zoom gathering I mentioned earlier, I learned a new phrase that I want – and need – to embrace:

I’m about building capacity, not being the capacity.

You all have wonderful and exciting ideas for UCE as we find our “new normal”. I find myself getting caught up in that excitement and wanting to make things happen. Alas, I am just one person though. There are only 24 hours in a day. I simply cannot do it all. As I have seen with many of my colleagues, this only leads to resentment and frustration, and for some, leaving their congregations.

But what I can do is work towards building capacity. To me, this means forming relationships with new people and strengthening the ones I have within this community. It means making time for fun and play as well as for the tasks at hand. It means listening to each other and sharing our joys and sorrows, no matter how big or small. It means sitting down to a meal together and sharing stories.

And so I’d like to invite you to join me in this new mantra: We’re building capacity.

After all, no person is an island.

In Faith,

Kathy

This is the last newsletter article I plan to write before my three-month sabbatical, which will begin on February 28th. During my time away I will spend time with family and friends. I’ll also be taking a pilgrimage with my husband to some of the sights of the Civil Rights struggle. We’ll visit Memphis, Tennessee, and Montgomery, Selma, and Birmingham, Alabama. I’ll also drive out to D.C. to visit the African American History Museum. In between, I hope to rest, read, renew my spiritual practices, and reflect on the important and challenging work of our congregation.

If you listen to any of my sermons, read the newsletter, or engage in almost any of UCE congregational life, you will be aware that UCE is striving to deepen our commitment to anti-racism and anti-oppression. The Anti-Oppression Task Force has been working with our consultants from the YWCA Equity Institute for more than 18 months and last month we held a congregation-wide summit to process the data from a survey half the congregation completed about UCE’s anti-oppression work.

The Task Force will be meeting with our consultants next week to discuss the summit and to receive from them their recommendations for our ongoing efforts. The survey data was a lot to process, but there were three things that seemed to generate the most surprise and disappointment.

· First, many of us who have privileged identities were surprised by how many people with marginalized identities have experienced harm within our congregation – one out of five.

· Second, there was a clear discrepancy between the way we are perceiving ourselves interrupting that harm and how often that is actually happening. In other words, 28% of people said they have spoken up when they witnessed harm but only 6% of people said someone actually spoke up when they were harmed.

· And the third piece of information from the data that was surprising and deeply disappointing was that 9% of folks who answered the survey said they are not interested in participating in anti-oppression work at UCE.

The reality of harm and the inability to effectively interrupt that harm has some very real impacts in our congregation. This Sunday, after service, I received an email from one of our members, Shannon Lang, who is a Person of Color and who has been deeply engaged in the work of racial justice and equity at UCE. She has bravely and repeatedly spoken up about harm she has experienced while doing this work. Shannon gave me permission to share the email she sent to me and Rev. Susan with you here.

It reads:

“Hello Reverend Eileen & Reverend Susan:

I am writing to say that I would officially like to put my membership at UCE on hold….

I am proud of the work that both of you are fostering at UCE as well as the work of the REAL Team and the AOTF but my heart can’t wrap around the fact that there are members of our congregation (as data showed in our survey from the Y) who do not feel the work of Anti-Oppression is important and have negative feelings when it is brought up. And these are only the members who were bold enough to respond. This is not beloved community. It is not a place I feels safe to spend my spiritual time and energy.

The final straw for me was looking at this week’s newsletter and seeing the book chosen for the fiction book group, described as follows:

‘“A vivid and charming portrait of a large southern family, the Fairchilds, who live on a plantation in the Mississippi delta.” Delta Wedding by Eudora Welty’.

Did not one person think that this work of fiction could be triggering to members of our community?

A book based on a plantation?

In Mississippi?

That refers to Negros?

And overseers?

Maybe there should have been some explanation in the newsletter as to WHY this book was chosen? I expect that the answer may be somewhere based HERE.

But I had to dig and alas the damage is done. I am again harmed (although unintentionally) by a community that is striving towards ‘a world made whole’ but makes grave errors along the way, especially, in my opinion, towards black and brown people, towards me, towards my family.”

I share this letter from Shannon, with her permission, not to elicit feelings of shame or guilt, nor to have us point fingers of disappointment or outrage at anyone. This is not about the fiction book group and it’s not even about Shannon. I share this letter because Shannon is giving us a valuable opportunity, a teachable moment, to lift up an example of the real harm of micro and macro aggressions to the people we care about in our congregation. We swim in the waters of white supremacy culture and it will take all of us to transform this culture. Shannon is allowing us to bear witness to this harm so that we might be called into deeper commitment and greater awareness.

Those of us who are white, especially those who are engaged in this work, do not want to be oblivious to the many ways harm is done to people with marginalized identities. I have heard many times, and have thought to myself, how hard it is to be aware of potential harm when your privilege prevents you from experiencing such harm. I have wondered how it is possible to do this work without making mistakes and causing harm along the way. Though I long for that to be possible, I am not sure it is. But what we can do is continue to listen with humility, to hold the sorrow, hurt, and anger, and strive to do better.

I own my part in not catching that the selected book would be hurtful. I scanned the newsletter but did not take the time to look into why this book was selected. I am in conversation with the fiction book group about it, about how we might work toward repair, making selections in the future, and providing context if the selections are controversial. One suggestion that has been offered by our YWCA consultants is for our groups to use a Racial Equity Impact Assessment Tool. Here is one such tool which could be adapted for this purpose.

Again, this is about our entire community, not a reflection on the fiction book group. For example, when the Ministerial Search Committee issued the congregational survey a few years ago, there were congregants who were harmed by the insensitive way questions were asked. In that instance, the Ministerial Search Committee listened, made a public apology, and worked toward repair.

This work is hard. There is no way to get it ‘right’. We will make mistakes again and again and we can keep trying to ‘get comfortable being uncomfortable’ as Bryan Stevenson invites. The only way to do this work is in relationship. I offer my gratitude to Shannon for her willingness to call us in, even as she needs to step back to care for her own spiritual safety. I am grateful to this congregation for your commitment to continue struggling to dismantle white supremacy culture within, among, and beyond us. I think, perhaps, this is what the work looks like: messy, painful, heartbreaking, and hopefully heart opening.

May we continue our anti-racism and anti-oppression work together, listening to each other, not blaming but owning our part in and then growing from these difficult experiences. Together let us strive to do better, to cause less harm to each other, and to hold each other in love through the hard work of transformation.

If you want to talk with me about any of this before I leave at the end of the month, please reach out. Rev. Susan and our sabbatical ministers, Rev. Allison and Rev. Elizabeth will be available to talk with you as well. Though I will be away for a time, you will not be far from my heart.

Yours in the ongoing struggle for collective liberation and mutual flourishing,

Eileen

Dear Friends,

Relationships are one of the touch points in our lives that helps us heal and renews our hope. Intertwined with continued self-care and ongoing personal growth, relationships are often places where we experience the gifts of comfort, care, and love.

I spent last week in a hermitage on the grounds of Prairiewoods Franciscan Spirituality Center in Hiawatha, Iowa. Each day, I spent an hour with Sister Lucille in a spiritual direction session. Most of my time was spent alone walking the snow-covered trails through the woods, reading, and reflecting. I had not tried this style of retreat before and I ended up really enjoying it. I returned home refreshed in mind, body, and spirit. I also returned home renewed in my belief and affirmed in my experiences that one of the most profound places where we experience the spirit of love, compassion, and joy is through our human relationships.

Sister Lucille informed me of Tyre Nichols’ death during one of our sessions. Alone in my hermitage, it was difficult for me to hold and process this news. It was not until returning home to the relationships of my family, friends, and colleagues that I have been able to unpack my grief and anguish, to shore up my path of hope and healing. It is often through relationships that we are able to find comfort and compassion to accompany us through difficult times. It is also through relationships that we are able to share our communal heartbreak and grief, express our anger and frustrations, and work in solidarity for social change.

This past Tuesday, I sent out the first alert to our congregation’s newly formed Local Response Network inviting members of the Network to attend a vigil for Tyre Nichols the next day, the day of his funeral. Being in solidarity with our Evanstonian community is one way we heal, strengthen our hope for the future, and transform society. Rev. Jennifer Bailey, the founder and executive director of the Faith Matters Network, reminds us that “It’s in the process of doing community together that we build relationships and trust. Relationships move at the speed of trust, but social change moves at the speed of relationships.” If you would like to join our Local Response Network to get alerts about how to show up to be in solidarity with our larger community, please email me at sfrances@ucevanston.org.

Sometimes it feels like there is too much to process, too much change to make, but we can do it together. Seek out your family, friends, ministers, colleagues, or neighbors for conversation, support, and innovative ideas. In relationship, we can check up on each other to make sure we are getting the care we need and engage each other in creative ways to live our values out in the world.

Our faith community is here to help care for the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your being. Taking care of yourself is one way to nourish the energy and creativity to live into your values. Click HERE to contact the Pastoral Care Team if you need support. Seek out beauty, joy, and rest to restore yourself. I am grateful for the privilege of being able to take a week-long retreat. I know that type of retreat and that much time off doesn’t work for everyone. I hope you will make some time to figure out what you need to feel more whole and then rely on your relationships to assist you in making time to find those ways to replenish your mind, body, and spirit.

Simultaneously with taking good care of ourselves, we must continue to work together to critically address how we talk about violence and the history of violence within our country, to examine how our current culture implicitly and explicitly creates spaces where violence can continue, and to show up to be in solidarity with those within our congregation and in our larger communities who are working toward social change.

Yours grounded in relationship and seeking transformation,

Rev. Susan