As I write this, it is a little over two weeks since New Year’s, and still a perfect time for reflection and contemplation. What has the past year taught me that will give me insight into the year ahead?

One of my learnings is that families continue to be challenged with finding a balance in their daily lives. Parents are overwhelmed, tired, and more. Even the Surgeon General has issued a report on the mental health and well-being of parents basically saying that parenting is a health hazard.  This trend apparently started even before the pandemic. Some might be thinking, “But 2-3 years have passed since then, surely it’s better now?” My observation is, simply, not really.

Many of my colleagues have made comments and posted on social media about their challenges with their job and how we can best serve parents and families. Rev. Erica Baron, Congregational Life Staff in the New England Region and Jennica Davis-Hockett, Youth and Emerging Adult Ministry Staff in Lifespan Faith Engagement at the UUA, explored the context of American parenting and how UU congregations can help in a webinar, “The Challenges of Parenting: How Congregations Can Help” that anyone can watch.  I will attempt to summarize a few main points here as well as some ways we can help our parents, and thus, our children.

The main current style of parenting is called “intensive parenting”, which is described as being more intense than “helicopter” parenting. It is the high-demand, high-involvement approach to raising children. In addition to this, there has been an increase in the number of hours parents work outside of the home as well as an increase in household debt, but not income. And of course, we had the impact of the pandemic with parents working from home while tending to children and their schooling, all while being isolated from their support communities. The pandemic gave us the option to do things “contactless”, such as ordering meals and groceries online, which has further isolated parents and families.

In this webinar, several parents said things along the lines of “I can’t commit to anything until I actually walk in the door”. They simply don’t have the bandwidth to plan ahead, volunteer anywhere, etc. Things always come up to disrupt their attempts to do so and they eventually give up trying. They said that they need casual spaces and times to gather – this could be as simple as folding laundry together while the kids play. Ways to do social action that are simple and can include children are needed too. Here at UCE, our Family Friday event on February 7 will be a social action project for the animal shelter that all ages can join in on. We need more opportunities like this!

Another point made by parents is that everything is a trade-off when it comes to their time and energy. If they go to church, then that’s less family time together. They are constantly having to decide what activities merit their efforts and at what cost to them personally as well as a family.

Regarding congregational life, parents said that the tradition of Sunday morning being the main event of the week isn’t working for them, that we need to let go of worship being the main focus of

who we are and what we do. Ideas such as a short summer camp or gatherings for kids on Saturdays were mentioned. Some said that they simply “weren’t fed” on Sunday mornings, but didn’t give specifics. I am curious to hear from our parents at UCE whether any of this rings true for them too.

One last key point in this webinar is the need for “aunties”, “uncles” and “grandparents” in the congregation. The adults who can see a parent’s need and jump in to help by engaging with their child, hold a crying baby, take a walk around the building with a toddler who’s restless. The ones who can listen to a parent’s struggles without judgement, without thinking “when I was a parent, I did…”, to not compare their experiences to those that today’s parents are facing. They simply are not the same. They need a village to help and support them.

Overall, people of all ages and stages of life are craving connection with others. At UCE, we offer ways for newer people to get to know others through activities such as Family Fridays, Ornament Sunday, and Rev. Susan’s Journeys program. Our faith formation programs connect new people as well as those who are long-time members. Our small group ministries like covenant groups and the young adult group strive to dive deeper and create more meaningful connections using the Soul Matters themes and resources. Programs such as Meeting Our Interfaith Neighbors strive to enable us to form stronger relationships to other faith communities.

As we head into 2025, I invite those who are not parents or caretakers of children to consider the ways you personally can help parents so that they have the energy and capacity to raise children to be adults who hold up and embody our UU values. And as a congregation, how can we help them and our families? These efforts would benefit the whole congregation too.

And for parents, I genuinely would like to hear about your experiences and needs in the coming weeks and will get in touch with you about this. In the meantime, I see you and care about you, and I am willing to be an auntie.

In Faith,

Kathy